Widowed for Ten Years!

It’s been ten years since I lost my husband to lung cancer. Is 10 years that magic number that marks the end of grief? No, of course not! Grief goes on, it will never completely go away. It becomes part of us.

How do I feel at ten years of widowhood? I’m not really sure. It’s a mix of emotions that can change in a heartbeat. Right now, somewhat sad, yet surprisingly happy and content. And eager to live the rest of my life and experience every precious moment. Loss has taught me that life is so fragile. I always try to remind myself that each new day is a gift to be treasured. I’m actually pretty excited about the future. There are many new things I want to experience, new places to visit and enjoy. We deserve to be happy again after loss. To live again. This is our time and we should make the most out of it! Enjoy life and do not feel guilty about it! I guess that’s one of the main lessons I learned (and had struggled with tremendously) over the years.

Having said that, of course it is often bittersweet. Memories will always pop back up and lace the happy moments with a tinge of sadness. Grief never ends. It’s a permanent scar that will be with me forever. I still think of him often, and he’ll always be a part of me. And I’ll always be grateful for the life we had together.

~~~~~ What I’ve Learned in My Ten Years as a Widow ~~~~~

Widowhood sucks, especially the first two years or so. I was in a very dark place for a long time, but I slowly clawed my way out of the deepest pits of grief. I’ve learned that you can’t ignore your grief. You have to Lean Into Your Grief and Loss and work on it to heal. Do not lose hope, be patient and take it one day at a time.

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Your life will never be the same after loss, and you will never be the same. I found myself in an identity crisis as I tried to figure out my New Life and New Identity as a Widow. My world had fallen apart, but whether I like it or not, life goes on and I had to choose my new path. I’ve learned to see it as an opportunity for a new beginning, a change in direction, a chance to explore.

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Widowhood has forced me to do things I never had to do before. I’ve learned many new skills, become much more self-confident and have learned to assert myself. I have changed a lot since becoming widowed and I’m proud of my accomplishments and personal growth. I’ve learned that, yes, I can make it on my own!

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I’ve learned to be at peace with being alone. I can enjoy going places by myself or just hanging out at home by myself. I’ve learned to focus on the experience itself and not on the fact that I’m alone. Learning To Be Solo was a struggle for many years but I think I’m finally okay with it.

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Loss has taught me what is truly important in life. I’ve learned to get my priorities straight. None of the superficial stuff matters. Nor does it matter what other people think about you.

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I’ve learned that grief is weird and unpredictable. It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Grief triggers and setbacks are part of the journey. And just when you think you’re okay and finally at peace with widowhood, grief proves you wrong. So as I write this, I’m doing just fine. But even after ten years, I occasionally find myself thrown back into the dark pit of sadness for a little while. You just never know…

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Especially during those brutal first few years after my husband’s death, I would have been so lost without the support of fellow grievers (mostly on Widowed Village back then). I’ve learned that this community of fellow grievers has been, and still is, essential to my healing. Just knowing that there’s someone out there who understands has helped me so much. Although our grief stories are all different and unique, we share the pain and we get it. Thank you, my fellow grievers! I wouldn’t be where I am today without you!

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