~~Reflecting on Year One~~
One of the cruelest things of widowhood is having to deal with the unavoidable tasks that follow the death of a loved one. I’m talking about everything from arranging the funeral, getting death certificates, contacting life insurance, social security, etc. to dealing with your loved one’s personal items.
As if the pain of losing the love of your life wasn’t enough…
So there you are, devastated. The rug has just been pulled out from under you, and you’re alone and scared in this deep black hole of sadness. Yet you are expected to take care of all these things. Dealing with people at the bank, agencies, credit card companies… In person and over the phone. And it sucks. It hurts so much every time you state the reason for contacting them. A stab right in the heart each time you have to say, “My husband passed away…”
I remember the worst experience when trying to deal with my husband’s retirement account. The person on the other end of the line was not at all empathetic and downright rude. And very impatient. I had a hard time trying to grasp what had to be done and I guess my “widow fog” didn’t help. After hanging up, I couldn’t do anything but cry. For the rest of the day. Curled up in bed. A sobbing ball of misery.
Thankfully all of the other people I dealt with while trying to get through all the things on my to-do list were very patient, compassionate and sweet. And I am immensely grateful for that.
To those going through this right now: Though nothing I say or write can lessen the horrible pain and anguish you’re experiencing, please know that it will get better over time. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. And take it one day—or hour or second—at a time.