Whoa! Grief triggers are sending me backwards once again! Today didn’t start out well. Some old issues connected with my husband’s death came up again. And boy, it knocked me down and sent me back to what feels like square one. Just like that, I was tossed back into the pit of heartache and grief. Fine one day, feeling sad and depressed the next. And I had been doing really well lately. I was so proud of myself and my progress. But even in year nine, it apparently doesn’t take much sometimes for this kind of derailment and setback to happen.
It’s one of those things that keep haunting me. There have been many other triggers over the years, such as driving by the hospital and doctor’s offices, visiting places we used to go to together, walking through the men’s clothing section in the department store, seeing happy couples, having to do a task he used to take care of, holidays, anniversaries, and so on. Heck, even walking through the grocery store and seeing certain food items he used to like can hurl me back into sadness. Widowhood really is a nasty, sickening roller coaster of emotions.
When a setback like that happens, I’m pretty much no good until the next day. One thing that has helped me is doing yoga. It gives me calmness and inner balance and makes me feel so much better, even after just 15 minutes. I love Adriene Mishler and her YouTube channel Yoga with Adriene. It’s great for beginners like me and she never makes you feel like you have to be able to twist yourself into a pretzel. Another thing that has been very therapeutic for me is going on a nice walk in the park or even just puttering around in the yard. Being in nature and seeing and mindfully experiencing the beauty of it can be stress-relieving and healing.
If there’s any good news in this, I suppose it’s that I usually recover faster from such setbacks these days. And they’re not quite as painful as they used to be. I don’t think time can heal all wounds but perhaps it can lessen the pain.