You were taken from me 11 years ago. It’s been a long time without you. It’s been rough, it’s been hell those first few years for sure. I’m okay now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you. I’ll always love you and miss you, no matter what.
This has been a shitty journey, a journey I never thought I’d embark on when I said “I do” so many years ago. Becoming widowed at age 43 wasn’t part of the plan. We were supposed to grow old together. Spoil the grandkids together. Here I am now, by myself, spoiling a grandchild you never even got to meet.
I’ve been missing you more again lately. Thinking about you more again. Not that I ever really stopped thinking about you…
I often wonder what life would be like now if you were still alive. Would we still be happy together? Or would we have drifted apart, as so many couples do after the kids are grown? One thing I do know is that I wish we would have taken more time to enjoy life together, to go places, maybe taken more vacations. I’ll always regret that you worked until the very end, hardly ever taking any time off. And you did it all for me and the kids.
I suppose that is my biggest regret. We should have enjoyed life more together. There are other things that I wish I, you, or the both of us had done differently. Little regrets here and there, things done or left undone, words said or left unsaid. Yes, we weren’t perfect but we were a pretty darn good team! Always there for each other, most times knowing each other’s thoughts or needs before even a word was spoken. We were one.
So as I look back, I’m immensely grateful for the life we had together. I’ll always treasure the memories and the joy you gave me. Since you’ve been gone, I’ve made a few bad decisions and choices and stumbled many times along the way. But I do the best I can and I hope I do you proud. Love you always and forever.
Grief changes shape, but it never ends.
Keanu Reeves
I so understand and feel the same. I think of Donna and I as unfinished.
Yes, unfinished is a great way to describe it. Thanks for your comment, Mark.
I really felt it as I read you post. The love of my life has been gone for four years. I did not see it coming and was so unprepared. I wish that I had spent less time at work, more holding her hand and talking. I wish I had been more with her when I was. The memories are good and it is the best of them that give me the most comfort now. I thought that we had more time.
I’m so sorry for your loss and all that you’re going through. Thank you for sharing some of your story. I’m glad the good memories give you some comfort.