If My Husband Was Still Alive…

I often wonder what life would be like now if my husband was still alive. I go through different scenarios in my mind. Would we still live in the same house? Would he still be working at the same company? Would we have went on a nice vacation somewhere, just the two of us? Would we even still be together? Would the kids’ lives have turned out differently if they hadn’t lost their dad? What would their relationship be like now that they’re all grown up and on their own? And the big question that’s been on my mind a lot lately: What would my husband’s relationship with our grandchild be like?

The Grandchild He Never Got to Meet

This has been bugging me so much these days. I think the older (and cuter!) my grandson gets, the more I wonder what my husband would say and how much he would love his grandchild. He’s almost two years old now and his little personality is really starting to develop and blossom. I’ve been imagining what kind of activities they would do together and how much fun they’d have. And I have to smile when I think about the little one throwing one of his temper tantrums and my husband calmly but firmly dealing with it. Or would he perhaps let his grandson get away with it? Would he spoil him too much?

Unfortunately we’ll never know. I can only imagine. And it hurts. It saddens me that this child will never get to know his grandpa. The best I can do is to share my memories when he’s a bit older. Look at photos together, tell stories, and try to convey this solid foundation of family, heritage and belonging, and most of all, that he would have been loved by his grandpa—so very much.

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