~~Reflecting on Year One~~
A couple of months after my husband passed away, I was summoned to jury duty. During the jury selection process, we had to briefly introduce ourselves. Listening to the others stating their occupation, marital status etc., I realized that I would have to say the word “widowed” out loud. For the first time. In front of all these people.
Then it was my turn. It felt so horrible having to say it. As if not saying the word would make it less of a reality. Checking the “widowed” box on forms was painful enough each time—and still is. But having to say that dreadful word out loud was excruciating and almost unbearable.
As we go through this journey of grief and widowhood, we are plunged into so many new realities. Realities we didn’t ask for. Cruel realities that tear open those tender wounds over and over again. Yet somehow we find the strength and courage to go on.
Rick passed in April 2022. At that point, I had been a stay at home caregiver for almost 3yrs. I found myself needing a job for more than income…to survive mentally as well. Each new attempt meant “introducing” myself. The first time was a quick “mom of 4 & nanna of 5” but the next time was more in depth. I still said the mom/nanna line but I added: “and in April, after 39.5 yrs of marriage I became a widow.In Aug, I actually got to see all of my kids and grands together for the first time ever.” I’m not shy of saying I’m a Widow anymore….it is a part of who I am now.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I totally get needing a job for more than income. As much as I hated going to work after losing my husband, I know that it helped me. It’s wonderful that you got to see all your kids and grandkids together in August. And thank you so much for sharing your experience with having to say “widow.” Sending lots of hugs your way,
Daisy