We Are Not Alone in Our Grief

I wish I didn’t know, feel and understand the kind of pain other grievers are going through. I wish I couldn’t see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice. But I remember…and I know what it’s like, especially during the first couple of years after loss. It’s hell and I get it. I’ve been there.

Sharing Each Other’s Grief: We Get It

Recently I met a widow at the cemetery. She had only been widowed for a few months. The moment I saw her standing at her husband’s grave, close to where my husband is buried, I could feel her pain, anguish and grief. It might sound weird but it felt like there was an instant connection. A bond of grief, sharing the same wavelength of sorrow. We started talking about our husbands and our grief, and we comforted each other.

I don’t think anyone can truly grasp what grief is really like unless they’ve experienced loss and grief themselves. Sure, everyone’s grief is different but there are many experiences and emotions that are similar among grievers. I remember being newly widowed and reading about other’s grief journeys and what they were going through. It was so helpful to know that I was not alone in what I was feeling.

When I went to the mountains for a few days last week, I met another widow. She had lost her husband less than two years ago. We talked and shared our stories. Her husband had passed away from lung cancer too, like mine. I felt her pain, still so new and raw. Her loneliness and despair. I hope that I was able to help her in some way, to show her that there can be joy, and even happiness, after loss.

It’s not like I can take anyone’s pain away, or somehow “fix” the world that has brutally collapsed around them. Heck, I still have moments too when I suddenly get overwhelmed by grief, often out of the blue with no warning. (Those sneaky grief triggers!) But I can tell new grievers that it does get better. Eventually. Slowly. There is life after grief. It’s different for sure but it can still be a good life. Grief won’t ever go away completely, it becomes part of us and we learn to live with it.

So just like other grievers gave me hope when I was newly widowed, I also want to help others and let them know that life can be good again. You are not alone. There is a huge community of fellow grievers out there, and we can help each other. The scars of loss connect us all. We get it. We understand. Because we’ve been there.