Visiting the Cemetery

I don’t go to the cemetery as much as I used to. I moved to a different town and it’s a bit more out of the way for me now. But some days I feel the urge to go there, visit, reflect, and talk to my dead husband. Yes, I’m one of those crazy widows. I guess you could say it’s therapy.

Today was one of those days. I hadn’t been in a while and needed to empty the rain water out of the vase anyway. And sweep the dirt and pine needles off the granite and marker. I always keep a tiny broom and dustpan in my car just for this purpose. It might sound strange but I always feel a bit better when the granite and marker are clean and the little angel figurines are in their proper spot. Maybe it’s because making sure that the grave looks good is the only thing I can still do for my husband.

The artificial flower arrangement in the vase is beginning to look quite faded. Normally I would have replaced it by now, but with Covid-19 still going on (and all the other chaos in my life right now), I feel that it’s ok to wait a bit longer before replacing it. I usually make the floral arrangement myself, which is also very therapeutic to me.

Seeing Funerals Brings Back Painful Memories

Sometimes when I visit the grave, there’s a funeral going on or being set up somewhere at the cemetery. Seeing that, or seeing a funeral procession while on the road somewhere, always sends a stabbing pain to my heart. I feel for the family who just lost a loved one, I know the pain all too well. At the same time, I realize in those moments how far I’ve come on my journey. Thinking back, I don’t know how I’ve made it through that crippling sadness and grief, but thankfully I did and I’m okay now (most days).

Visiting and taking care of the grave is a calming ritual for me, but it may not be healing and helpful to others. Everyone is different. It’s okay to go rarely or not go at all. Whatever helps you cope with your grief and heal. I think we, as grievers, need to forget about what society expects us to do and just do whatever is helpful to us as an individual, regardless of what other people might think.

A Peaceful Place

To me, the cemetery is a peaceful place, a place to think and reflect and regain my perspective. A place to connect with my husband’s spirit, to talk to him, tell him what’s going on in my life, and tell him that I love him—always and forever.