At some point after your spouse passes away, you wonder what to do about your wedding ring. Should you keep wearing it? Should you take it off?
At first, I couldn’t bear even the thought of taking off my wedding band, anniversary ring and engagement ring. But after a while, it began to not feel right anymore. In my mind, I was still married and still loved my husband—and always will. But I was a widow now. My husband was gone. Gone forever.
I finally took off my wedding band on the first sadiversary and began wearing my engagement ring and anniversary ring on my right hand.
Only about two months later, that didn’t feel right anymore either. So I bought a simple black enamel ring and wore it in front of my engagement and anniversary ring as a mourning ring or “third ring.”
Finally, on the second sadiversary I took all of my rings off.
Widowhood is a strange world. A world in which you stumble around, disoriented, trying to find your way. A balancing act of letting go of the past and moving forward while forever keeping the memories in your heart.
I have taken my rings off and then on and then off again. Then one day I looked at it and remember the day he upgraded with a new ring. We were together at the mall. In fact it was our last time at the Mall. So, it reminds me of that day. It’s been 4 years and we were married 45. I feel I deserve to wear my ring with pride and still honored to be his wife.
Hi Ronda, thanks for writing and sharing what you did with your rings. Yes, you absolutely deserve to wear your beautiful ring with pride! I think that’s wonderful.
Funny. I just found your blog yesterday. This morning I discussed this topic with a widower (we lost our spouses 4 months apart last year). We had different ‘ring’ experiences, and coincidentally I find your post today, my first Thanksgiving as a widow, on ring dilemna.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure today was an especially difficult day for you, the first Thanksgiving as a widow. The holidays are so tough after loss. Thanks so much for writing. Sending lots of hugs your way.
My partner of 23 years passed away in February, so I had to sort all his possessions out ,and he had this particular ring not real gold of any value that way,his daughter from different relationship said have you got that ring dad always wore it for years ,by way his family live in Ireland I live bham,so I gave her the ring which was still with his things,and ever since I have did this,I am hearing my partner very aggressive and abusive towards me which he was never like this towards me when he was hear,saying over and over again I want my ring get my ring back with few sware words and threatening to kill me and my kids if I don’t get it back,I hear him day and night continually also saying my wife bought me that ring over and over ,it is stressing me out because it sounds so real and his voice,they are coming over for anerversary of his death in February, and bringing ring back,what good it will do him now he has passed I don’t know,his daughter asked her mom his ex wife about this ring and she said doesn’t remember buying this ring,I have made an appointment with my GP to see if I can get some help with my brain hearing all what he is doing to me,it been happening now for a few weeks,I looked after him befor he passed away in my house ,I was there right till the end đź’”
I’m so sorry for your loss and all that you’re going through. Wow, I can’t even imagine… I’m glad you’ve made an appointment with your GP. No one should have to live with that kind of terror all the time. I wonder what’s causing this. Grief is terrible enough but to also be haunted by his voice and threats is absolutely awful and more than anyone can bear. Please make sure you get really good help, you have to insist on it. This is too much to handle on your own. I’ll be thinking about you. Please write again to give an update on how you’re doing, perhaps after you see the doctor. This is such a terrifying thing to go through, I’m so sorry. Sending many hugs your way,
Daisy