Wintertime… It’s grey, rainy and cold outside, and it’s definitely affecting my mood! I’ve noticed lately that I’ve started ruminating again about my husband’s death, our last few years together and the things I wish would have been different, the regrets, the many unanswered questions. It’s easy to fall back into that trap, back into the darkness.
Not being able to go outside that much doesn’t help. As some of you may know from earlier posts, I really enjoy gardening, and I miss it so much right now. It’s one of those things that keep me balanced and give me peace. Soon I will be starting some plants indoors to transplant outside in the spring. I can’t wait. This time of year, I always get antsy about planting.
Not Yet!
I have to stop myself from starting my seeds too early. But I can plan, look through gardening catalogs, order seeds and supplies, …and dream!
Mark Your Calendar!
So I will plan, dream and wait for now. My calendar is marked with dates for starting various seeds and planting my favorite vegetables and flowers. I’m excited. You may not be into gardening, but I believe everyone should have something to look forward to. Especially grievers. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It could be something as simple as a date for lunch with an old friend, plans to see a new movie, or a grandchild’s birthday to look forward to. Though these things might not seem significant to others, to you they might mean a much-needed ray of light in your darkness of grief. What can you put on your calendar today?
Husband passed away March 2022 and daughter passed away Jan 2022. 74yr feeling depressed quite often. Dont want to spend more of my life on my own. Husband had cancer, daughter blood clot in lungs. Go out to Knitters club every 2 weeks, another club once a month, church welcome nearly every wednesday. At the club the women are in their 80s. I dont want to join dating apps. I feel better going shopping on my own. My son is living with me and trying to find a place of his own. I feel something is stopping me from talking to men. The New Year seems to hold no hope. I am fairly attractive and not fat but should go out to places to meet men wherever that is,
I’m so very sorry. You’ve been through so much. Having lost both your husband and daughter, I can’t even imagine how horrible and heartbreaking that must be. I’m glad you go out some to meet others. But perhaps you just need more time to be really ready to start dating if you feel like something is stopping you from talking to men. Maybe something inside you is telling you it’s too soon? I struggled with that for a while, wanting to date but not really ready to take the next step. And finding places to meet good men is hard… Thank you so much for writing. Sending lots of hugs your way,
Daisy