My Age Is Starting To Be a Factor

Loneliness, Aging and Medical Scares

I don’t like the darkness of winter. It exacerbates the feelings of loneliness. I’m usually fine during the day but the long dark evenings are starting to get to me again. I miss companionship.

Lately I’ve been feeling lonely again. The breakup with my boyfriend was several months ago and I have not made any attempts at dating since. Not sure that I ever will date again. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe I’ll just stay a single widow for the rest of my life. It’s okay, but it’s lonely.

Should I Get a Dog?

About a week ago I was scrolling around on social media and happened to see a post about an animal shelter being way over capacity, urging people to adopt or foster. I had actually thought about getting a dog again for a while. I miss having a dog. The idea of fostering a dog appealed to me since it wouldn’t be a “forever” commitment. A day later, I went to the shelter to inquire about fostering a smaller, older dog since I can’t handle larger dogs or puppies anymore due to age-related physical limitations. There’s no way I could handle a German Shepard anymore, or any dog remotely that size. Or a puppy that wants to run and play constantly. No, those days are long in the past…

l was told at the shelter that the smaller dogs don’t go into foster homes since they get adopted fairly fast and there’s simply no need to foster them. As I was looking around, going from cage to cage, I could see that this made sense. Lots and lots of big dogs, very few smaller ones.

Since fostering a small dog for a limited time wasn’t really an option, I considered adoption instead. But that also meant even more requirements had to be met for the dog to be a suitable fit for me (and my family) in the long term.

Age Has Become a Consideration

All this made me think about how my age is starting to be a factor in many aspects of my life. Now I have to consider the limited weight I can lift these days, my energy (or lack thereof), health concerns and life expectancy. I’m fairly healthy but I had a medical scare recently that got me thinking about the “what ifs” of serious illness, cancer, surgery, chemo, radiation and perhaps death within a few years or less. (Not to mention the flashbacks to my late husband’s cancer, all his pain and suffering and death.) Luckily it turned out to be nothing, but such health scares seem to come more frequently the older I get.

I thought back to my twenty- or thirty-year old self so long ago, when I didn’t have to calculate and consider the statistical odds of a new dog outliving me. Granted, I’m not all that old and will probably still live for a long time. But even so, what will my mental and physical abilities be in ten years from now?

I’m still not sure if I want to try to adopt an older small dog and have that long-term responsibility. It would be nice to rescue an animal from the shelter, while at the same time gaining some companionship and the joy and unconditional love a dog provides. But maybe I shouldn’t at this stage of my life, maybe I’m just too old…

In a way though, I suppose I’m privileged to have to consider my health and mortality in making decisions these days. At least I still have a chance to reach my seventies, eighties or nineties, and I’m grateful for that. My husband wasn’t that lucky.