When you lose someone you love, it can be absolutely devastating. You might feel like it’s the end of everything: broken heart, broken dreams, future plans that will never come true… Your world is crumbling, and it all seems hopeless and bleak. But it’s not over. Your life is still an opportunity to enjoy new experiences, to laugh and hug, and to share precious moments.
Grief is hard. And it’s hard work. It takes a lot to process the loss and all the emotions associated with it. Loss changes life completely in so many ways, and nothing will ever be the same again. The first year is usually the worst. The second year after loss tends to be slightly better, but for some it’s even harder than the first year.
Everyone’s grief is different and there’s no set timeline, of course. I only mention the first two years here because I don’t want you to have unrealistic expectations that you should be “back to normal” after one year, for example. Oftentimes we’re too hard on ourselves, and that’s not helpful. Grief takes however long it takes (and it never really goes away completely).
The goal, in my opinion, is to learn to live again in this new and very different life. To slowly replace the darkness and constant sadness with glimmers of light, hope and even joy. To get to know ourselves as the new person we’ve become since our heartbreaking loss. We are no longer the same. We had to adapt, learn new skills, find new strengths. It’s not over. There is still more life to live. We’ll never forget our loved ones, and the grief will never completely disappear. But there’s hope, joy, smiles and happiness waiting to be tapped into. We don’t have to be sad every day for the rest of our lives. We can laugh and have fun again, but also shed tears when we need to. One does not exclude the other. Grief and joy can coexist.