Don’t Let People Walk All Over You

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve become more tough since widowhood or simply because I’m older now. Or maybe it has to do with my menopause-fueled ability to unleash a fierce bitchiness that I simply didn’t possess in my younger years. It’s probably a combination of all of the above. I used to be so shy, quiet and accommodating, always wanting to please everybody, always avoiding confrontation at all costs. Yeah, that was me, a people pleaser and pretty much a doormat.

Well, no more! Over the years I’ve learned to speak up, to assert myself, to hold my own during arguments and confrontations. (For the most part anyway.) I guess I had no choice but to learn. Without my husband to shield me and take care of these unpleasant tasks, I had to start defending my own interests and wishes and take charge of my life and stand firm whenever necessary.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually a very nice person and try to get along with everybody. I have a “live and let live” attitude and just want to live in peace. I still don’t like confrontation, but if need be, I’ll stand my ground.

Here We Go Again…

It’s unfortunate that people sometimes still try to take advantage of me and walk all over me, thinking they can make decisions for me and that I will simply go along with their ideas. It doesn’t seem to matter to them what I think or what my wishes are. I’m so angry right now because I just had this kind of thing happen again yesterday. And sadly this was—once again—done by a member of my extended family. I suppose that’s the part that hurts the most.

But you know what, I won’t allow them to take advantage of me, financially or otherwise. I won’t allow them to walk all over me. I won’t allow them to push their ideas on me. While I can’t control what they do, I certainly can control my reactions to it and what I do.

Be Careful! Protect Yourself, Your Interests and Your Finances!

I think especially when you’re widowed, alone, and maybe more vulnerable because of your grief, you have to be extra cautious of people trying to take advantage of you or trying to push their agenda on you. You have to protect yourself, your interests and your finances! Be careful, whether it’s a stranger on the phone, a financial advisor at your bank, or an acquaintance or even a family member!

• Don’t agree to anything without taking enough time to really think it through, and maybe get a friend’s advice or opinion.
• Don’t let anyone push you to do something. It’s your life and your choice.
• Be careful when it comes to bankers, financial advisors, insurance agents. Make sure they truly have your best interest in mind and listen to your preferences, priorities and goals. If someone doesn’t seem to be a good match for you or doesn’t accommodate your investment comfort zone, risk tolerance, needs and goals, find someone else.
• Don’t let anyone rush you to make a decision. That’s usually a bad sign!
• Don’t loan anyone money you can’t afford to lose. Assume you’re not going to get that money back—because you probably won’t. This also, and perhaps especially, applies to family!
• Don’t promise anything you don’t want to do. It’s your life and it’s okay to say “no.”
• Don’t let anyone guilt-trip or manipulate you into doing something.
• Don’t allow detrimental people, situations or conflicts to keep “occupying your mind” beyond what is reasonable and healthy. Speak your mind, let your opinion or wishes be known—and then let it go.
• Is someone in your life always the “taker” and rarely (or never) the “giver”? Do you always do things for them, but they never do anything for you? Sometimes you don’t even realize how bad it is, especially if you’re a giving and nurturing person or if this has been going on for such a long time that it feels “normal.” Imagine one of your friends being treated the way you’re being treated. Would you think that it’s okay?
• Set boundaries and don’t be afraid to say “no.”
• Remember, you can only be taken advantage of if you let them!

More and more, I look at what various people in my life do for me. Do they reciprocate my kindness and generosity or am I doing all the giving? Do they treat me with respect or do they make me feel stupid and insignificant? Do they actually listen to me or are they too self-centered, conceited or too focused on their own agenda? I will always be kind to those who treat me right. But those who don’t shouldn’t expect any generosity or favors from me. What goes around comes around.