Why is dating and finding “the one” so hard? We had been together for about one and a half years. And then I broke up with him.
I feel so bad about the breakup. He was a really good guy and I truly liked him. He had many great qualities that I admired. So why did I break up with him? (And yes, I feel like a total bitch for having done that.) Something was missing in the relationship, it wasn’t progressing to where it should have been after all this time. And mostly, I wasn’t feeling what I should have been feeling. It wasn’t love.
To be honest, this breakup had probably been a long time coming. We didn’t really have much in common at all and had very few shared interests. And while it’s okay to not have the same hobbies and interests, there have to be some commonalities for the relationship to work. Sure, we agreed on many issues, shared the same opinion on a variety of topics but it wasn’t enough. There were too many differences in other areas. We weren’t on the same wavelength.
I suppose hitting the one-and-a-half-year mark really got me thinking and evaluating the relationship. I know, that’s a long time to come to the conclusion that you’re not right for each other. But we had a rough start due to Covid, distance, and having to take care of a family member, and we didn’t see each other all that much in the beginning. It takes time to get to know someone, and I wanted to give the relationship a chance.
What we had was good but it simply wasn’t enough, at least not for me. I want love. I want forever. And this wasn’t it.
The thing is, I truly miss him. Like I said, he was a great guy with many admirable qualities. But it just wasn’t fair to either of us to keep wasting our time when it wasn’t really love.
So here I am, an old widow, single and lonely once again. Not sure I have it in me to make another attempt at dating. At least not right now.
Widowed dating: When the relationship fails, if feels like a double whammy. My sadness from the breakup seems cruelly amplified by a forceful reawakening of my grief—and the memories of what I once had.
Daisy
I felt this in my soul. I’m just not brave enough to leave yet. It feels as if I’m a failure.
Thank you for sharing. You’re not a failure, it’s just really hard…
Hugs,
Daisy
I went through this recently, she broke up with me. It was the first for both of us since losing our spouses. We experienced “firsts” for both of us with a new partner. It sounds like she had the same reason as you did. I didn’t see it coming and it hurt badly. I’m trying again to find that next “one” but don’t know if I ever will. It is so different now out there.
sorry, that post was from me, didn’t sign in first.
I’m so sorry for your breakup; that is really tough, especially since you didn’t see it coming. It’s a horrible thing to have to go through. If there’s anything good coming from our failed relationship attempts, it’s that they’re showing us that we can indeed love again. There’s plenty of space in our hearts for love for our lost spouse and a new person. And you’re so right, dating is very different these days. Don’t give up. I used to tell myself, “What do you have to lose by trying?” And who knows, the next one might be the one.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your dating endeavors!