Whenever something breaks around the house or some kind of maintenance is required, I feel completely lost and inadequate. My late husband was always the one taking care of these things. Having to tackle home repairs and maintenance may not seem that significant compared to other challenges the widowed face, but to me it’s always incredibly stressful.
Part of the problem is that I’m just not handy. Anything beyond whacking a nail into a wall or doing some simple caulking is a struggle. When I can’t figure out how to fix something around the house, I get incredibly frustrated and stressed out. There have been many times when I have broken down in tears because I always feel so helpless in these situations. My husband would have known exactly what to do and would have taken care of it. Yes, I was spoiled. And I miss it.
And I guess that’s the other part of the problem: It’s a painful reminder that he’s no longer here.
I Fixed My Washer (Thanks To YouTube)!
I’ve had some not so successful attempts at home repair and maintenance but most of it turns out okay. I credit YouTube tutorials for preventing major DIY disasters. In fact, a wonderful YouTube tutorial saved me last week from having to get a repairman to fix my washer/dryer combo. The drain pump had stopped working the evening before and I scoured the internet to find out what part I would need and how to replace it myself. This step-by-step video tutorial was so easy to follow, even I was able to replace the drain pump of my washer by myself! I had never done anything like this before and so to me it was a great accomplishment!
There are many other areas too in which I lack the skills, knowledge and experience my husband had. I hate feeling helpless, and I hate asking for help but I’ve gotten better at it. I just have to accept that some projects are more than I can handle and I have to hire a professional. It’s just the way it is. But I’ll take care of as much as I can myself. I’ll continue to learn more and improve my skills. It’s okay if it’s not perfect or if I have to redo it because I made a mistake. And maybe, just maybe, my husband is cheering me on from heaven, “You got this! You can do it!”
I miss him.