Grief is a long journey. How do you know when you’ve “conquered” your grief? What do you consider success when it comes to grieving?
What Is Success?
Success can be defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. And usually, it’s fairly clear-cut and obvious whether or not success was achieved. Getting promotions at work, finishing a difficult project, or putting together a piece of furniture correctly are some examples. But what about success in grief? What does that look like?
Success in Grief
Success in grief is not as clear-cut and easy to recognize. Also, everyone has different goals and ideas on what success looks like for grievers. To me, success in grief very much depends on where you are on your grief journey. At first, it’s honestly just about making it through the day somehow. Getting out of bed, remembering to eat meals, being able to go to the grocery store without breaking down in tears in the middle of the aisle… That’s success! Then, finding tiny glimmers of joy again here and there… That’s success! Perhaps after a while, you might start a new hobby or start going places… That’s success! And after many years, you might have adjusted to post-loss life and be happy (or mostly happy) again.
Unrealistic Expectations
As I said in my previous post, there often are unrealistic expectations that you should be “back to normal” at a certain point in time. This isn’t helpful at all. Instead, you should be proud of your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.
There’s No “Getting Over It”
There’s also a common misconception that you will get over it at some point. And I admit, prior to my own loss, I thought so too. If you haven’t experienced the loss of someone very close and important to you, it’s hard to grasp what dramatic and far-reaching impact it can have on your life. So if we measure success in grief by the ability to “get over it,” I doubt many grievers would ever be considered successful in their grief journey. How can we “get over it” when the person we lost will always be a part of us? We cannot simply forget them, nor should we.
Let’s Redefine Success in Grief
There’s no clear finish line in grief. Success in grief isn’t about forgetting or getting over the ones we lost. It’s about learning to function and live again after loss. It’s about healing and being able to enjoy life again. Let’s redefine success in grief as every little step forward, every moment of joy, every brave solo excursion and every new adaptation to life after loss. Success in grief is all those tiny baby steps that move us forward on this difficult journey.