Grief brings out all kinds of feelings. After losing someone, it’s not just sadness we feel. It’s everything from sorrow to guilt to anger.
Grief is messy, it’s a roller coaster of emotions. Feelings like numbness, disbelief, denial, sadness, despair, confusion, pain, depression, anger, resentment, guilt, helplessness and fear are often experienced by grievers. But there can also be calmness, acceptance and perhaps (and hopefully) even joy. Grief has no rules. Feelings can change within seconds or even happen at the same time. Deep sadness, for example, might be accompanied by relief that the suffering is over. A happy moment after loss might bring along intense feelings of guilt. This happened to me a lot. Or you might feel fine one minute, only to have a grief trigger catapult you into intense sadness the next. Perhaps you feel anger that your loved one didn’t take better care of themselves and that’s why they died. Or you might feel anger toward yourself for not being able to prevent your loved one’s death somehow. Or maybe it wasn’t a loving relationship and you feel bad about not feeling sad. Whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s perfectly normal. You have to go through, and acknowledge, all of these emotions, whatever they may be, in order to process your grief.
Even though some of these emotions might seem weird and out of place, it’s all part of working through your loss. I encourage you to lean into those feelings and explore them further.
It takes time to process a loss and heal. There will be ups and downs, progress and setbacks. Please don’t feel discouraged. However, if you’re not making any progress at all and feel stuck in your grief, please seek out help. I also have a list of resources that might be helpful.
Do you feel like you’re on a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions? Which feeling are you struggling the most with right now? Comment below and share your thoughts and experience with feelings after loss.